Christmas Time is Here Again

And that means you have to listen that one, infernal EMI Christmas album wherever you go. The EMI Christmas Album.

Everyone knows that Christmas songs are rubbish. You buy them because the festive season addles your brain with wine and good will. In January they are rightly discarded. Since Simon Cowell rogered the Number 1 spot with whatever pathetic excuse for a singer he's dragged through ITV, Christmas music has got even less interesting.

There is only one good Christmas song, which is Slade's "Merry Christmas Everybody" which was made for whooping it up in the pub drinking Advocaat. The rest of the EMI Christmas Album is detritus. If you can crawl through Chris Rea singing "Driving Home For Christmas", John and Yoko crabbing out that war is over, if you want it, complete with tuneless vocals, you might despair that there are any good musical times at Christmas.

Christmas is for singing yourself, and the carols that you learned at school. That's the joy of it. It's for everyone and you don't need popstars to do it for you, unlike the rest of the year when we've all got day jobs to worry about. Christmas music can have finesse such as the carols from Kings in Cambridge, but at large in England there is a tacit acceptance that Christmas will mean wassailing from tuneless six year old girls and recorder recitals.

But Christmas is a time of good will to all men (even Simon Cowell) and so there have been some interesting songs written about Christmas. For good or bad it can be one of the most powerfully emotional times of the year, and I toast and post to that.

Mike Hugg and Highly Likely - What Happened to You?

Or the theme from "Whatever happened to the Likely Lads?"

This one is pure 1970s pop, and a bit clever. Mike Hugg of Mannfred Mann wrote the song and Highly Likely were his session band. I've never heard the full thing, only those lines that ask you what you used to be. It's an incredibly downbeat song in total. Miserable. Odd then that it should be the theme to a comedy. But there's a pathos in this that mirrors the comedy perfectly.

When I watched as a child I didn't understand Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? My parents found it horribly funny. Now I get it completely. I've been cleaning up in order to move, and a slip of paper found in the pocket of an old coat can sometimes bring it all back. What became of the people we used to be?

Here they are, the once Likely Lads, with faces of bewilderment as responsibility beckons. I'm glad they never revisited it. There never could be much funnier than this.

Ron Grainer - Doctor Who

Okay, its been terrifying children for decades, but the music alone is haunting.

This remarkable music is made by tape looping, white noise, and wave form oscillators titervated by Delia Derbyshire in the BBC's Radiophonic Workshop. Not one note comes from a musical instrument. That someone saw fit to create for a children's programme in 1963 is brilliant. The current version is with a full orchestra but goes to show you can't really improve it.



Delia Derbyshire was later invited by Paul McCartney to collaborate with the Beatles. The BBC nixed it. Gah!

Laurie Johnson - The Avengers

Ah, the Avengers, British television at its campest, funniest and most stylish.

I confess to shamelessly ripping my flirting technique from Diana Rigg and even copying her haircut when I was 16. It worked, I got that higher class of boyfriend who takes you out for a drink before lunging for your bra straps.

The Avengers owes a lot to Johnson's theme, recorded with a full orchestra for ATV. Lush, opulent, strings are undermined utterly rink dink piano. Perfect, atmospheric, and sets you up for both the sublime and the ridiculous.

Bill Bailey - The BBC Apocalypse

A silly one, but shows that the BBC can still style out a great theme when they want to.

Bill gave it a great remix, and when I managed to see him perform it live at the Apollo on Shaftesbury Avenue, the whole crowd got down. Next time the 10 o'clock news comes on, get your glow sticks out.

Ronnie Hazelhurst - Are You Being Served?

Ronnie Hazelhurst is the BBC composer. For anyone who grew up in the 1970s and 1980s, his music was ubiquitous.

He dominated the themes of the BBC, writing the funky Yes Minister (listen to that guitar), Last of the Summer Wine, Some Mothers Do Ave Em, Sorry, and arranging countless other tunes. He even managed to do Eurovision. Ronnie is at his height with the big band stylings of the Two Ronnies, but perhaps his most creative with "Are You Being Served?". Since he couldn't afford a percussionist, he disguised the gap with the clanging of tills and change, a full year before Pink Floyd did "Money".

Far out, Ronnie.

Beethovens of the Small Screen - Pop Goes Bach

Television has lost stock recently. Falling advertising revenues and miniscule budgets mean that it is cheap, dominated by quizzes, reality shows and phone ins where money can be recouped.

These cuts in budget are not just evident in what comes on screen, but also in the music used. These days, television rarely has its own music, but instead buys hits from music companies.

In the glory days of course, British television had its own composers. They created music that is instantly recognisable, taut and perfectly made. This week, we celebrate those Beethovens of the small screen, the classic tunes of British television.

We start with the irrepressible "Ski Sunday" by Sam Fonteyn, otherwise known as "Pop Goes Bach" because it resembles Fugue in D Minor. Fonteyn made it a Frug in D Minor. The BBC still show "Ski Sunday" but they've buggered up the theme by making it modern. Gah. And Alberto Tomba, aka "Tomba La Bomba" aka Tomba the Bomb aka the greatest slalom skier of all time isn't in it anymore, which is a shame. Both theme and man exist in perfect harmony. Tomba flinging himself down the mountains of Austria to this theme still lingers in the memory.

War - Good, Good Feelin'

I went out on Saturday for some class disco. I didn't get it, so here's something to meet the need. Shake it!

Chucky Berry - Johnny B Goode

A party this evening. So sling this on, Johnny B Goode tonight.

Brigdet Bardot - Saint Tropez

Oh the summer has gone and I'm cold. Bridget Bardot will cheer me up with her challenging ode to summer sun.

It was of course, the theme to Eurotrash. Oh Eurotrash, I do miss you.

Georges Bizet - Seguedille

I attended the Royal Opera House last night to see Carmen.

My parents played opera constantly when I was a child. I hated it then. It was overblown, stupid, demanding and irritating.

Of course, as soon as even the meanest teenager has had a love affair, then opera is completely explicable. Opera is demanding in the way that love is demanding. You do have to listen to it. It is, in an age when most music has become a soundtrack, impossible to make it into disposeable chunks which may be consumed between microwave meals.

Anyway, to Carmen, that great bitch who lives and dies by her treatment of men. She could not be ignored either. You won't need a translation if you don't understand French.

Zager and Evans - In The Year 2525

The Peanut Duck does not always choose records that it likes. Case in point is this basket case of a record seems to go nowhere. You beg for it's terrible logic to stop.

How did Zager and Evans get a recording contract? The answer is in the year 9595. But we will not still be alive.

Roger Troutman - So Ruff So Tuff

The kind of music you'd have in one those unbelievably cool discos in films. The place where they dance as if they need to touch their knees with their elbows.

This is available on "The Many Facets of Roger", which is a glorious funk album, which is impressively self centred funk.

The Bangles - Walk Like An Egyptian

The Bangles have the moves. Walk Like An Egyptian is a basic guide in how to make a fool of yourself on the dancefloor. If you can frug to this and not do at least one stupid Egyptian hand move then you are better than me.

Five hairbrushes of five.

Michael Sembello - Maniac

Famously featured in the film Flashdance, Maniac is a song that never needed to exist. It's the kind of record produced by someone who thought more is more, and that lyrics never need to make sense. In fairness chaps will appreciate the bottom shots in this. Otherwise this tribute to the bunny boiling metal workers of the dancefloor doesn't bear repeated listening.

Unless you enjoy dancing in the "danger zone", of course. Three hairbrushes out of five.

Olivia Newton John - Xanadu

We begin Guilty Pleasures week with this splendid track.

Olivia Newton John was raised on some sexy Australian helium and then produced this with the Electric Light Orchestra. A million thanks will be yours if you can explain to me exactly what this psychedelic roller disco at a Grattan catalogue fashion shoot means.

Hairbrush rating - 5 out of 5. If you can't get into this you must be tragic or sober.

The Dirty Mac - Yer Blues

The supergroup of supergroups. Worth watching to see Mick Jagger make a thorough tit of himself in the first two minutes. Yer Blues indeed.

Badfinger - Come And Get It

"Come And Get It" was part of the soundtrack to the Magic Christian, one of my favourite films. A cheat since Paul McCartney both wrote and produced the record, but Badfinger are wierd beatle puppets on this record, which was of course, a big hit and one of those records you wish the Beatles had actually recorded themselves. You wonder what it might have been if McCartney had become a producer after he left the Beatles.

Note that Jimmy Saville is ageless, looking like an excited gonk in a kaftan. What was he injesting in the late 1960s?



The Magic Christian is also worth a watch, for the sheer excess.

Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger

Oasis like to think of themselves as the bearer of all things Beatle. Keeper of the Brit rock flame.

Their pilfering of Beatles stylings is slavish, not least Liam Gallagher's snarl is naked aping the throaty growl of Lennon on "Money".

Attitude is part of rock n roll's appeal, and Oasis capture that brilliantly. This is the only indie song I've ever heard townies sing after eight pints of lager. For mass appeal, Oasis may have briefly rivalled the Beatles in playing to Knebworth, and when they played this, the atomsphere was electric.

I've since heard that they've split up, owing to the fact they hate each other. Frankly I'm amazed that both Gallagher brothers are still alive, but it might be an opportunity for Noel to pair up with Frank Gallagher of Shameless fame. That might almost be as good as this tune, which features another personal television fave Patrick Macnee from the Avengers.

Electric Light Orchestra - Mr Blue Sky

One style of the Beatles seems almost uncopyable, which is the full on, perculiar pyschedelic stylings of "I Am Walrus".

The Electric Light Orchestra made a career out of copying that production style, of chugging strings and light vocals, with bombastic lyrics and vigorous attitude to overdubbing that might even caused George Martin to change his tie. You couldn't eat a whole ELO album but one song occasionally will do.

While John Lennon declared them once to being the closest thing to how his music sounded in his head (gad!), he wasn't to know how the ELO would come to influence their mentors, thirty years later with Jeff Lynne producing the Anthology project rather than Martin.



Still, they could have got Phil Spector in again, so be grateful.

The Monkees - Last Train To Clarksville

Beatleshills wouldn't be complete with the Monkees, the original, pre designed copyists. Plastic Beatles. Scream your corporate screams now, kids!

The Monkees became their own strange brew in time, even if they weren't exactly musical innovators at the start, and their movie "Head" proves that they were no slouches. If the Beatles hooked up with the Goons and Monty Python, then the Monkees hung out with the beacon of oddness that is Frank Zappa. That, and the LSD, plainly had an effect.

Here they are being cute, doing their best rip of "Ticket to Ride".

Elliott Smith - Somebody That I Used to Know

A sad one this.

I have a lot of Elliott Smith records, and his elegant guitar and charming voice made for a good weekend. His light voice and McCartneyesque stylings on the guitar were a treat. That this sounds a little like later period Lennon and McCartney at the same time is delightful.

If you like this, you'll enjoy his album "Figure Eight", which is as Beatlesque as he ever was.

Cheap Trick - I Want You To Want Me

Cheap Trick live up to their name pretty well. This has its fair chunk of Beatles stylings. But they've often admitted it, and they are so good at taking the piss that they are forgiven.

The Raspberries - Let's Pretend

The Beatles are remembered as being musical revolutionaries. Really, their initial offerings were probably mushier and lovelier than later.

In the early 1970s, America produced a series of power pop bands which aped Beatles music so heavily that it was hard to tell the difference in production.
The Raspberries took this McCartney style mushiness and ran with it.

Anyway, this is a nice, slightly mushy song from men with beards and tight t shirts. Enjoy.

Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin - Ford Mustang

I was out the other night with a chum who described driving a new Ford Mustang in the United States as slow and lumpy. He managed to get a speeding ticket nevertheless, but only with effort.

By contrast Ford Mustang of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin is a brilliant entente cordiale on wheels.

Serge Gainsbourg may have been valuable not only for his services to music and harassing Whitney Houston on television, but also to all men who resemble a badly groomed badger on the hunt for sex. How he ever secured the affections of Birkin is a mystery, but he was, even when alcohol had rendered him foul to the rest of the world, a quite brilliant musician.

Yvonne Elliman - Love Pains

A sleeper record, which wasn't a hit at the time.

Nevertheless, a great favourite of mine with a lovely bit of synth break. Agonised disco is in a class of its own.

Dan Le Sac v Scroobius Pip - A Letter From God To Man

I don't own this, but I should. It's a cracking record with a good sample. Smug yourself if you know where it came from.

Blur - The Universal

Here's how to tell if your youth is on the way out.

One, check your wardrobe. If you're thinking that looking like an extra from Sesame Street is no longer working for you, you may be getting old. One point.

You decide a lovely jumper is preferable to getting baadered, add another point.

Of course, some of us may always have appreciated a lovely jumper. But there is one test that tells you youth is gone. That test is when a record you treasured as a teenager is then used to advertise a car or financial product at you, fifteen years later.

"The Universal" is one of these. It now hoicks life insurance at me, which is apt. I am now at the stage where I may consider it useful, despite having done all the bad stuff in my twenties.

Peter Wyngarde - Neville Thumbcatch

Yes, its Monday and the sugar lump you placed in the coffee has dissolved. The trees are singing and the birds are swaying. The day seems normal.

Maybe too normal.

Records by actors are rarely any good because of the furious mugging that actors resort to behind a microphone (William Shatner being the leader of credo) but just occasionally this tendency produces something very special.

Such a special creation is Neville Thumbcatch by Peter Wyngarde. The original song is a freakbeat number by the Attack (a great mod band of the 1960s and is well worth listening to), but this cover, with its Stanshallesque voiceover, psychedelic twang, oompah instrumental and forward thinking break beats is definitive. If you thought that Richard Harris left his cake out in the rain in MacArthur Park, then this should flip your wig nicely.



More extreme oddities can be found on Peter's 1970 album, "When Sex Leers Its Inquisitive Head". For some unaccountable reason it was wildly unsuccessful, but those unafraid of the boundaries of convention might visit. Not probably the best choice for inviting your parents around to tea - though it does go some way to proving that you really can get away with saying almost anything if you sound posh enough.

Screaming Jay Hawkins - I Put A Spell On You

Most of you are more likely acquainted with Nina Simone's version of this track, which is a cover of this highly original song.

I'm betting that all of you would rather Nina Simone put a spell on you than Screaming Jay Hawkins any day of the week after you've listened to this:

Weezer - Buddy Holly

Owned it once, but got unconscious at a party when I was 16 and the prized 7 incher was half inched as I visited the planet mong.

"Buddy Holly" remains THE drink cider and frug badly record in the living room record. If white US geeks must make records, they should all be this good.

The Third Degree - Mercy

Did you ever wonder what "Mercy" by Duffy would sound like if it was a proper Northern Soul record, rather than the anemic squeak that the original was?

No bother then as the Third Degree solved it for you. If you're in better condition than I am this week, shake a tailfeather to this:

Lunapop - Vespa 50 Special

Regular readers of the Pinkhalf will know of my love of all things Vespa. Hopefully we will have a new little one joining the household. You really have to ride one to know the joy that they provoke - and Lunapop have done this nice little track so that everyone can remember the first time they sat on Vespa 50.

Bix Beiderbecke - Sorry

In my current swine flu ridden state, I'm watching the excellent "Beiderbecke Affair", which has me giggling all over again at the kind of middle class cushion throwing that once passed muster for British drama before we all got into the world of forensic police cop serial killer investigation hobby series that goes on for years. I was raised on six tight episodes, pursued lips, and everyone wearing rather tatty clothes.

The Beiderbecke Affair centres around the sale of a series of Bix Beiderbecke records to an errant woodworking teacher, Trevor. So here's a sample of the wonderful Bix himself:

The Cuban Brothers - The Cuban Brothers

Back from Camp Bestival and the utter highlight were the Cuban Brothers (sorry PJ Harvey). I have never been so entertained. You have to see them if they are playing near you.

Dennis Coffey and the Detroit Guitar Band - Scorpio

Dennis Coffey was one of the "Funk Brothers", that is, part of the legendary group who made up the musicians who did the backing for Motown Records. So you've probably heard him many times before, but this is his own strange, funky brew.

T Connection - At Midnight

A personal favourite. Very few records are really capable of summing up that sense of anticipation when you're about to go clubbing. This one does it perfectly, and I've had a few spectacular dances to it over the years.

Chilly - For Your Love

Disco biscuit number three. Mmm. Chilly were German discoteers.

For Your Love was covered in the naughties, which is why you've heard it before. What you've not heard before is the Status Quo style ending, which is awful compared to the rest of the track.

Machine - There But For The Grace Of God Go I

One we all may struggle with. The decision to pack up from the city and head out to suburbia is never easy. And in my view, it is best avoided unless one aims towards a destructive fondness for cheap sherry and Midsummer Murders.

The Mike Theodore Orchestra - The Bull

Disco week continues here at the Peanut Duck with the Mike Theodore Orchestra. This is music for the fantasy disco western we've never thought about before.

But then, we've all seen those cowboys on the dancefloor. They are so pretty.

Amant - If There's Love

Stone cold diamond disco, in celebration of the rise from the ashes. See the Pink Half for more details.

Etta James - Payback

Amy Winehouse wants to put down the bottle and listen to this.

Boo hoo until your face turns blue.

Booker T and the MGs - Green Onions

Massive excitement here at the Peanut Duck as Booker T plays Shepherd's Bush at the end of July. I have tickets!

Here is Booker T and the MG's at their most groovesome. Put on pinafore and move your hips!

Super Furry Animals - The Man Don't Give A

End of title removed to spare those of you at work. Listen on headphones eh?



Many an evening spent pogoing to this baby!

Kirsty MacColl - A New England

It's the summer, and if you're the vintage I am, that means jangling geetars, perfumed smoke and stupid trousers.

This year I'll be attending the thoroughly middle class festival of Camp Bestival, where all of these things will occur. Bestival is so lovely, unlike the piss riddled rock festivals which featured leather dudes covered in studs and drinking meths with food colouring of my youth. Now there are cash machines, mobile phones, and facilities. You can buy the Times at a festival. That's a head spinner when previously you were supposed to read the Socialist Worker. One year at Reading when I attended you were required to piss into a trench.



Most important on the way to a festival is the music you put on when you're getting there, and this track happily accompanied me to a few Reading Festivals. Kirsty MacColl was one of the coolest singers I ever heard.

East Harlem Bus Stop - Get On Down

As a big fan of the Fatback Band's "Do The Bus Stop", I thought this was worth a look. Again, its been sampled to death, but it is some tight funk with a cracking cover. One of the aspects to music which has basically disappeared over the years is covers, both album and single.

You don't need to have a strong visual image to market something, but you know, it helps. When it really works, you remember those musicians.

Kathleen Emery - Sometimes I Feel Like I'm A Motherless Child

Not very cheery, but terribly good. Kathleen Emery has that "stomp on my heart and I'll still blow smoke in your eyes" style just down pat.

Meck - Thunder In My Heart

Look, I'm asking you to ignore this features Leo Sayer because right now you're thinking Sideshow Bob and the hair thing. The fact is, its a cracking vocal and the original (which I can't find in its full, lush glory) is a solid gold sizzler.



I think I may just have to start a museum of old disco. Some of these records should have preservation orders on them.

The Trashmen - Surfin' Bird

Good old fashioned dirty arsed surfin' rock n' roll. Gargle with vodka and hit your desks to this!

Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terell - The Onion Song

One of my less attractive habits to is sing in my sleep.

My boyfriend at the time woke up one morning to hear me murdering this tune as I snoozed, claiming dogmatically that the world was "just a great big onion".

Thankfully, Marvin and Tammi do it so much better.

The Four Tops - Just Walk Away Renee

I first heard this terrific tune watching a documentary about Belgium.

I immediately resolved two things:

a) to buy this track
b) visit Belgium

I can confirm that Belgium is definitely worth a look, and they do play Motown as well as Led Zeppelin, together with weeny beers that blow your senses to Outer Mongolia.

It's also one of the most surreal places you can visit. Never mind Barcelona, visit Brussels. Everytime I leave my head reels.

Michael Jackson - Off the Wall

Jesus juice, crotchless bunny suits and duck butter to be forgotten. This is a great track.



It's worth noting that a lot of Michael Jackson classics were written by Rod Temperton. Including Thriller. Rod Temperton is from Cleethorpes. Yes, when you've been hitting that dancefloor, you're being made to shift your feet by a chap from Cleethorpes.

What killed Michael Jackson?

Was it:

a) sunshine
b) moonlight
c) good times
d) boogie?

Alan Parsons Project - I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You

Another crusty 1970s number from the Alan Parsons Project. The video was shot around the Royal Festival Hall on London's South Bank, with its confusing alienating "robot". In the olden days, brutualist architecture was enough to make you rip up flowerbeds and jump and up down staircases at random. We've all seen A Clockwork Orange.

If the track reminds you a little of Pink Floyd, that would likely be because Alan Parsons engineered Dark Side of the Moon for the band.

Dee Irwin - I Only Get This Feeling

My heart beats a little bit stronger... if you need it, here's a two minute cure for angina pectoris.

Other versions exist of this Northern Soul ballad recorded in 1968, but this remains the best, if not simply for the Spector/Turner style mid section.

Keith Prowse - Light and Tuneful

Ah, Wimbledon. Home of the strawberry, sweatband, and sunburn. This year I shall be donning my boater in the centre court and making light clapping noises as Roger Federer's bottom goes past.

The only downside to actually being at Wimbledon and not watching it on the BBC is the lack of the super theme tune of Keith Prowse. So here it is:

Peaches and Herb - We Got Love

Another disco classic, and isn't Peaches gorgeous?

The best thing is that they look like are having a ball singing it. And when was the last time you saw a male singer just sweetly hold the hand of the girl he's duetting with?

Aquarian Dream - Phoenix

A boy in pants on flaming dove.

Even the background snare and hi hat sounds like the truffling snuffling of London toilets. Ceefax music to take bolivian marching powder to, but there's nice groove to this. Very moreish.

The Who - Pinball Wizard

Elton John once stayed in a Park Lane hotel, and irritably rang recption to ask them if "they could do something about the rain". We forgive him because once upon he did this track with the Who, and was great. Nobody plays pinball anymore, but Pinball Wizard remains piano at its cockiest and rockiest.

Eurovision Special

Okay, it's a month late, but things move slow in the world of the Pink Half. Eurovision is a silly nationalistic contest, which like as official top pop nation in the world, Britain likes to win. No one is to pretend we don't want to win. We want to colonise it. We've currently got a new Cold War against the ex communist bloc because they are all voting for each other. At least they're voting, eh?

Here's Lulu with the enigmatic "Boom Bang-A-Bang". If you listen closely you can hear Sid James tickling Barbara Windsor in the orchestra pit.

Brothers Johnson - Strawberry Letter 23

Another lush one, oh well. I promise something edgy soon. But my excuse is that this is just as lovely as rainbow kittens.

Grupo Santa Esmeralda - Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Outstanding. Makes you glad that Quentin Tarantino is such a music geek.

Motown Music Machine - Bach To Bach

You know everytime I hear this I wonder what the seventies were like. What kind of bad king arse nightclub could play this record? I just want to see the dancing. You'd have to be good to dance to this properly, I think, and not look like some air punching twit.

Simultaneously brilliant and also very silly, Motown Music Machine is what would be playing in your dentist were he the Devil.

Judy Cheeks - Mellow Lovin'

So irritating that I cannot find this brilliant track anywhere on the internet. Not even on CD. It therefore goes on the list.

It's black soul Abba. Oh goody!

Banbarra - Shack Up

This was covered by "A Certain Ratio", but the original sank into obscurity when it was released. The more digging I do into soul and funk, the more I find that there are a lot of gems like this that haven't yet had the chance to really shine.

Hamilton Bohannon - Disco Symphony

A master percussionist who is widely sampled but not widely known. The chances are that if you've even put a toe into a nightclub in the last ten years then you heard something that was ripped off from this man.

Candi Staton - Heart On A String

I had the pleasure of seeing Candi Staton in the Shepherd's Bush Empire this week, where she blew the roof off with her vocals. I danced for the whole time she was on, and a bit on the way home too.

Curtis Mayfield - Move On Up

I had this on an iPod, but then the iPod it die. I have decided not to replace the iPISSUoff, and will instead carry on buying lumpy LPs instead. That way, only a house fire can ruin my collection.

Maze - Twilight

Saturday night - shake a tailfeather!

Cream - I Feel Free

A great record. I believe it was used by Waitrose to advertise their new range of organic eggs.

I know it worked because while I moved to collect my usual ovoid comestibles in the rock and roll desert that is Fulham, I could hear the chino chap next me going "mmmmmmmmmmmmifeelfreeeeeeee".

Chicken liberation!

Bach - Double Violin Concerto

Performed here by no less than Itzhak Perlman, and Isaac Stern, some of the greatest men who ever drew a bow over catgut. If someone can tell me where this recording available is commercially my ears would be eternally grateful. I'm almost ashamed to inflict the crappiness of Youtube on it.

Heino - Karnival in Rio

From the chi chi stylings of Italy to the terrifying singing of Volkisch Germany.

Heino and his street cleansing vocals are probably thankfully little known outside his native Germany but with his medically induced stare, permanent dark glasses and uber blondness, he is the fantasy German I like even better because he is real.

This car crash of a record succeeds despite itself, with military clapping en masse, commands to "Zing!" and some dubious implications about post war escapees to Latin America. I would never buy it, but I am gleeful that it exists, and it is irrestible on the way home from the pub when one is over refreshed from one of the many excellent lagers that Heino's countrymen have gifted to the world.

Franco Godi - Theme From Signor Rossi

Those who follow the Pink Half will know of my love of all things cartoon. Therefore I am always pleased when music and cartoons come together to produce something special. Today's entry is the theme to Signor Rossi, the Italian cartoon, a joyful stereo track which only seems to convey a place where the sun always shines.

Franco Godi did the most wonderful job with this piece, making a slinky bossa nova with an impeccable flute solo. If you're going to do these things, you should make them this beautiful, even if you don't have to. How very Italian.

Della Reese - It Was A Very Good Year

I know that Frank Sinatra's version of this is the accepted classic, but this is far better because it is more bawdy and very much groovier.

Freddy Cannon - Palisades Park

Go on, you've heard this at every fairground in your youth. And if you haven't, you've had this feeling.

If you've got someone to squeeze, today might be the day to do it.

Jimmy Smith Trio - Organ Grinder Swing

Friday, and the cocktail hour seems not too far away. Kick back and relax with the smooth sounds of Jimmy Smith and his silky hammond tickling.

Peter Sellers - A Hard Day's Night

I think it will be.... alright.

The Beatles - Baby It's You

A Beatles record that is rarely played these days, not least because its a cover.

Yet it is great opportunity to hear a young John Lennon sing without that bloody echo that he had slapped on all of his records from 1967. Lennon thought he had a bad voice, and its a shame that he did, in effect, destroy how he sounded by insisting on this stupid production technique.

David Bowie - Queen Bitch

A bit of a cheat this, since I do actually own this track, which is on the superlative LP "Hunky Dory".

On the other hand, I bought the record from an Oxfam shop in Hitchin, it came with a serving of raspberry jam in the grooves, which rendered the track unplayable to this day. A case of jam today, jam tomorrow.

Pulp - Cocaine Socialism

A small reminder that when the Labour Party starts throwing brick bats at bankers and the City, that they were at the time "intensely relaxed about people becoming filthy rich".



Stupid, self absorbed, nostril decorating bastards.

Billy Nichols - London Social Degree

Happy memories of this, not least because I remember arriving here as a social newbie, and was quickly thrown into the maelstrom that is London life.

The wearing of daft hats, dancing to peculiar music, drinking your own body weight in alcohol and talking bull until 3 am in the morning is the only degree that you really need at 21.

The other higher education qualifications I have only lead to the company of grown ups, who, if they truly admitted it, would rather be wearing a daft hat and supping on a Brandy Alexander.

The Pixies - Monkey's Gone To Heaven

Despite many happy fruggings to the Pixies at indie clubs all across England, I've never bought one of their records, a gross mistake that I urgently need to correct.

The clip is the first appearance of the Pixies on television.

Boz Scaggs - Lowdown

And relax.... it is Friday, which technically means no work at all, save the important business of organising the weekend's delights.

Here's some Boz Scaggs to MOR you to relaxation satisfaction. Pull up a textured bean bag and put your blackberry in the office shredder.

The Associates - Party Fears Two

I hope you are sitting uncomfortably.

This song, which has all the calming effects of drinking five espresso in a confined space with people you don't trust, may be some of the brilliant neuroticism ever committed to record. Unbelievably, it's magnificent descending break was used as the introduction to Radio 4's bellicose "Week Ending".

The rather lovely Billy MacKenzie who wrote and sang "Party Fears Two" inspired the devotions of fellow neurotic Morrissey, who, in a rare state of passion, wrote "William It Was Really Nothing" for Billy. But Morrissey never created anything as mole hill paranoid and magnificent as this.

The Average White Band - Pick Up The Pieces

Monday, and whole pattern of working life starts again unless its snows, in which case the country is closed. When I commute on my scooter, it is this track that runs through my head as I dodge cars, errant pedestrians, competitive cyclists and my personal bete noir, the tourist coach.

Doris - Beatmaker

This is the raw throated Doris, who takes no prisoners with this slice of Soho boogaloo.

Take her advice with whisky chaser, and chat up a pretty ice skater.

Cilla Black - It's For You

This extraordinary record by Cilla Black makes her sound like a queen. Lennon and McCartney wrote this for Cilla, and its as perfect as thing finding a particularly lustrous green beetle under a rock.

Produced by George Martin, the influence of James Bond is particularly evident. Martin also arranged "Goldfinger" in the same year.

If Lennon and McCartney look smug at the end of the song, you can't scarcely blame them. This is a hell of a song to give away.

Enjoy. It's for you.

Frank Wilson - Do I Love You (Indeed I Do)

Peanut Duck has an unashamed soul bias. Being a musical omnivore my current diet is soul records, and particularly 1960s soul records.

It isn't hard to enjoy these records, because of the two minute joy they provoke. Life rarely provides joy for more than a couple of minutes, but dancing to a great record is one of life's most wonderful pleasures. I have never understood people who don't dance - music at its best encourages participation and soul music is the music of participation. It speaks to you, and if you can't get on your feet and shift your arse then you must be a tragic figure.

Today's choice is Frank Wilson's "Do I Love You (Indeed I Do)". In England, this record is held in especial esteem because it was the last record ever to be played at the famous Wigan Casino, which was the epicentre of Northern Soul. With the crowd in a state of hysteria, the DJ picked this record at random to break the spell, and "Do I Love You (Indeed I Do)" consequently became an instant classic which has come to represent the spirit of Northern Soul.

Schoolhouse Rock - Three Is A Magic Number

Almost the weekend. Thank dog for that.

Unusually, the clip is of interest to me, it being a lovely wobbly cartoony thing created to entertain children. Small wonder it pleases me so.



[Schoolhouse Rock is worth a post in itself on the Pink Half.]

The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - The Canyons of Your Mind

Readers of the Pink Half may be aware of my admiration for the work of Vivian Stanshall, which I came to know via the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band. When you've finished discombobulating the sardines, you might take your elevenses with this splendid version of "The Canyons of Your Mind", which contains a lyrical nature which can be described as "the sweet essence of giraffe". This clip most crazed (and best) version, improved all the more by the raiding of the BBC's props department.

I saw this performance on BBC 2's repeat of "Colour Me Pop" when I was a teenager. Colour Me Pop was broadcast just as BBC 2 began its broadcasts in colour in 1967, which is a great example of technology and society's desire to wear loud shirts coming together.



The other segment of this show has Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention rendering "In The Sky", which is also worth a listen if you need to scratch your eardrums like cheap vinyl.

Pet Shop Boys - Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money)

In a brief moment where I joined the modern world and had an iPod, I used to listen to this on my way to work in the City, along with Pink Floyd's "Money". In retrospective it was proof that I wasn't entirely suited to chasing crumbs from the bankers table.



Tellingly, this track was released the last time we had a crazy financial bubble thanks to the financial miracle that occured with deregulation in the City under Thatcher. Opportunities is even more appropriate for Brown's Britain, since the brawn built the property, and the "brains" securitised until the number of them was bigger than the total GDP of the Western World.

And at the end of the fairytale where the market always went up, everyone made lots of money.

Shirley Ellis - The Clapping Song

Today's sweetmeat is Shirley Ellis. Ellis is almost impossible to find on record or CD, and she is not often found on the intermong.

Shirley Ellis came from an age when a woman's voice on a record was not a breathless whisper or a vocoded monstrosity, but rather a hurricane. I'd love to know when she finds time to breathe on the records she cut.

I make no apology for the stupid dancing clip because Shirley is so difficult to find that I had to settle for this foolery. Salute the protagonist's bandy legged cool and enjoy Shirley at smooth speed.

Everybody Do The Peanut Duck

Welcome to Peanut Duck, my roving blog list of music, with salted comments. The idea is that Peanut Duck will eventually divide itself into categories for soul, rock, pop, nose flute concertos and so on. Hopefully with use of tags I will be able to sort out things much better than before.

Let's kick off with the track that also titles this blog. I have to thank my sister for introducing me to this record. Peanut Duck by Marsha Gee (or persons claiming to be Marsha Gee) is all kinds of wrong, including the bit where Marsha pretends to be a duck. But its unhinged and drunken groove is worthy of respect.